Last week I wrote “How to Keep a Positive Mood in Your Marriage”.
In this blog I want to give you 7 ways a positive mood breathes life into your marriage. By the way, I took this picture at Glencoe (Chicago) Botanic Gardens
over the 4th of July weekend. It’s a favorite go-to place for my wife Marian and I to connect with nature. Definitely a place to enhance the mood. By the way, it’s also a photographer’s haven!
Why blog about mood?
The mood of one spouse can definitely affect the mood of the other in either a positive or negative way. If you work on having a positive mood and good attitude, it may uplift the mood of your partner. Some couples become stuck in a negative mood that settles in like a gray cloud over the relationship. If you are that couple, you have to find a way to change your mood. Read my last blog (click here)
and you will get some strategies to put into play.
A positive mood breathes life into a marriage. It improves the quality and tone of the relationship. Couples who generate a positive mood enjoy each other’s company, have fun, get things done, and have more romance. Here are 7 ways a positive mood breathes life into your marriage.
A positive mood keeps things in perspective
When couples go through hard times they tend to develop a general negative attitude about their marriage. You can tell by the interactions within the relationship. They often bicker a lot, fight over stupid stuff, and get embroiled in power struggles. When the mood is dour it seems like everything is interpreted through a negative lens. The good gets little, if any attention.
Adopting a positive mood keeps things in perspective. In most relationships, things aren’t all bad. By staying positive you can see the good things that are going on unnoticed. Give the good some attention. This will actually promote a positive mood.
A positive mood is more likely to lead to a positive response
All it takes is one person generating a positive mood to get things going in the right direction. When you say things negatively by complaining or criticizing, you’re likely going to get a negative reaction. However, if you start positive, say with a compliment, you are more likely to get a positive response from the other person. Let me illustrate the difference.
Negative mood –
“There you go again, leaving your stuff all around, just after I cleaned the house!”
Positive mood –
“I appreciate the effort you’re making to be neater. Would you mind putting your things away before you sit down to relax?”
Negative mood –
“You see me busting my butt over here. When are you going to get off yours and give me some help?”
Positive mood –
“Would you mind giving me a little help here? Afterwards we can chill out together on the couch.”
A positive mood motivates action
Some of the couples I work with talk about feeling stuck. They can’t see any movement toward positive change. There’s more talk than action. I see a lot of finger-pointing too. Again, these pattern suggests a negative mood in the relationship.
Changing your mood can motivate action. Years ago in a playoff football game, the Denver Broncos were pinned back near their endzone with a couple of minutes left and the game on the line. A young quarterback named John Elway with a smile on his face said, “Boys we have the other team right where we want them.”
With that, he proceeded to march his team down the field to score the winning touchdown. John’s positive attitude motivated his teammates to action.
Words of encouragement, compliments, or affirmations do inspire change. We tend to rise up to the occasion when one speaks to us with a positive attitude.
A positive mood gets you through the rough spots
Rough spots. We all face them from time-to-time. Some have more rough spots than others. It is easy to complain, blame, or feel sorry for yourself. This will not get you through the rough spot. It may actually make it harder and last longer if you allow your mood to remain negative.
A positive mood keeps things in perspective and gives you the extra energy and drive you need to get through rough spots. You are more likely to shorten the time span by taking control and making good decisions from a positive mindset.
A positive mood gets you where you want to go faster
Have you ever watched team competition? Who tends to win more often? It usually is the team that keeps a positive attitude and works together. Teams that allow negativity, lack cooperation and tend to argue and blame one another.
Keeping a positive attitude allows you to problem-solve quicker and give your best to get where you want to go.
A positive mood contributes to better health
A negative mood releases catabolic forces in the body that weakens the immune system and increases the likelihood of health problems.
A positive mood releases the anabolic forces that contribute to improved mental and physical health.
A positive mood keeps hope alive
Viktor Frankl was a holocaust survivor. He spent years in a concentration camp. I actually visited the camp in Dachau, Germany. Upon his release Dr. Frankl a book, “Man’s Search For Meaning”. One of my favorite quotes is: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can choose how we will respond to the circumstances of life. Marriage is not always easy. However, if we choose a positive mood, it will breathe life into the relationship. It can keep hope alive for a happy future together.
It takes two
There you have it. Seven ways a positive mood breathes life into a relationship. In order for it to work, it takes the two of you to work together to shift the mood in the marriage. It is not fair to expect one to do the work. Marital mood is governed by the interactions of the couple together. Now that you’ve read the article share it with your spouse/partner. Make an agreement together to work on this. Don’t leave it up to your spouse to do the heavy lifting.
Mood or attitude is a choice. Don’t wait for it to change. Make the decision and work at it. You can make that decision right now.
Now it’s your turn
I welcome your comments and questions about the topic. What have you found that works in your relationship? Where are you stuck? Do you have a question? Feel free to respond in the comments section below.