There’s a dominant dynamic relationship pattern that’s causing some conflict in couples where most of the interaction is now centered around their responsibilities. They’re busy trying to get kids off to school, do the laundry, clean the house, and do so many other things they need to take care of. In other words, couples interact more over the tasks of married life and family life, and they spend much less time just being a couple. They have forgotten to connect and talk about nothing else other than each other.And so, it becomes difficult for couples to manage this and turn toward each other when it feels like there’s too much to carry. The problem is they don’t know how to shift their attention from other people to connect with each other. How do you then connect with your partner and shift your focus onto each other when you’re too busy taking care of others?Recognizing the Five Symptoms
Exhaustion – You feel like there’s nothing left in your tank to give to anyone else.
Loneliness – You’re feeling lonely in the marriage because you’re not connecting and you’re wondering if your partner is pulling away or the other way around.
Neglect – You feel like you’ve neglected the marriage because you’re so busy taking care of everyone else.
Boring – It’s no longer fun and you’re not having a good time.
Feeling of loss – It feels like you are more like roommates than soulmates and you don’t have that kind of connection you used to have.
You also need to acknowledge some bad habits around connecting outwardly and not prioritizing your connection with your partner. Here are some questions worth asking yourself:
Lack of action: You’re talking about how you need more quality time together but are you taking action on it?
Lack of presence: Are you so much in the mindset of productivity, but not as much in the mindset of presence?
Mental shift: Are you struggling to shift from task talk to couple talk?
Complaint: Are you using your couple time for complaint time?
Ways to Shift Out of a Task-Oriented Mindset Into a Relationship Mindset
Check in with yourself and find out how you’re feeling, what’s your mood, and your attitude. How is your energy – are you feeling high or low? Do you feel any tension in your body and what’s your ability to focus right now? Are you calm or tense? These are things you need to be aware of.
Tune into yourself to help you shift from a task-oriented mindset to what’s going on with you right now.
“Other-Awareness” or Tune into your partner.
Observe your partner for the nonverbal communication they’re trying to express to you. Show some empathy and care. Have an open posture. Don’t be defensive and don’t be reactive. Don’t be critical, judgmental, and advice-giving. Simply listen and be present.If you want to learn more about How to Connect with Each Other When You’re Busy Taking Care of Everyone Else, check out https://donolund.com/trg005