Mining Gold: 5 Nuggets Buried in Your Marriage
The First Lady and I have been talking about gold lately. You might think it has to do with jewelry. Think again! Our recent conversations center on investing in gold versus stock.
It got me thinking about mining for gold. Not in the earth. Better still, in the heart. Plenty of gold in marriage. Once you find it, you’re rich!
Mining for gold combines skill and luck. Learning how to find it is important. Yet, sometimes we stumble on it and don’t know it. There have been moments I’ve held it in my hands then discarded it, not realizing how valuable it is–to my wife.
Every marriage has gold. It is buried in the heart of your spouse. To find it you have to mine it.
You can have a wealthy marriage by finding these 5 precious nuggets.
Nugget of Happiness: Where does my spouse find happiness?
Happiness is an innate desire. We seek ways to find it. Once discovered, we feel alive in the world.
Do you know what makes your spouse happy? If so, you have discovered gold. What do I mean?
Knowing what makes your spouse happy affords you the opportunity to make it happen. I have a running list in my brain of what makes Marian happy. She has one for me. We do our best to bring happiness in each other’s lives by doing what we know each other enjoys.
What is on your running list? Is it short or long? I encourage you to have a new conversation with your spouse on what makes them happy. You might find new gold!
Nugget of Romance: How does my spouse like romance?
Romance is gold. More than sex, romance is drama. Romantic energy flows back-n-forth between partners in a dance that activates the senses. The wishes, expectations, and needs involving romance are buried in the heart.
Mining for romance takes the active skill of tuning-in to your spouse. Tuning-in is paying attention to what your spouse says is romantic to her/him. This is gold. Responding to the romantic needs of your spouse intensifies the experience.
Nugget of Struggles: Where does my spouse struggle and how can I support?
Everyone struggles with something. It can be insecurities, fears, limiting beliefs, you name it. Sometimes the struggle is with a relationship, say a family member who makes life difficult.
Most people do not want to be alone with their struggles. Nor do we want to be a burden on others. It is comforting to have someone in your life who loves and accepts you, struggles and all.
Knowing your spouse’s struggle is gold. Yes, I said gold. Why? Because you can be a solid rock of support when your spouse is going through a struggle.
Some individuals let gold slip out of their hand by being critical or controlling toward a spouse who is struggling. This only makes the struggle harder. Try being understanding by listening and validating feelings. Solutions can follow.
Nugget of Hurt: What do I do that hurts my spouse?
Here is some choice gold. Do you know what your spouse’s struggle is with you? Do you exhibit a pattern of behavior that is beyond annoying? I’m talking about things you do that hurts your spouse?
It is easy to describe your own hurts. How about his/hers? Take a recent conflict for example. You may recall what you were upset about, but can you remember with as much clarity what hurt your spouse?
When you know what you do to hurt your spouse, you’ve found gold. Not so you can repeat it. It’s so you can stop doing it.
Listen, if you want a happy marriage, stop hurting your spouse. Seriously, work on changing bad patterns in yourself. Your spouse will respect you for it.
Nugget of Passion: What pumps my spouse’s heart?
Hearts contain passion. May be hard to find, but it is there. Often, the hustle and bustle of life and the responsibilities of kids and work, leave little time for matters of the heart. But deep down inside, passion resides.
Finding your spouse’s passion is gold. Supporting his/her passion will forge a stronger and deeper relationship.
Passion can be as big as a career, or small as a love of art or sports. Encouraging your spouse to follow a passion is mining gold.
Marian has several areas of passion, as do I. She enjoys quiet walks in nature, fine cuisine, and 80s music. I enjoy sports, fine cuisine, and 70s music. We have individual passions in our careers. Over the course of married life we make it a point to support each other’s passions, pursue our own, and continue to explore the passions we share. We share a passion for travel and regularly plan trips together.
Do you know your spouse’s passions? If so, you have struck gold. Now you can invest that gold in wonderful experiences together.
Now It’s Your Turn
Have you mined these five nuggets of gold in your marriage? Is a nugget or two still buried? I’d be interested to learn from you what other nuggets of gold you have found in your marriage. Feel free to leave comments below or on my social media sites.