We all know drama couples. They draw a lot of attention. Almost everything they do is excessive. Their public arguments, break-ups, reconciliations. Everything about their relationship is for public viewing.
Experiencing drama in a relationship doesn’t have to be in public to qualify. Many couples have their dramatic moments behind closed doors. Whether private or public, drama can either bring a relationship together or pull it apart.
All couples experience drama from time-to-time. Drama isn’t always bad. Better to have drama than boredom right?
In the first of this two part series I will share drama scenes that don’t bode well for couples. In the next blog, I will highlight scenes that tell a good story.
Here are 6 drama scenes that cause problems. Couples should avoid these types of drama because it usually doesn’t end well.
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Similar to sports drama. Ends with a winner and loser. Or as ABC Sports intro used to say, “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.”
I call this the tennis match. This occurs when a couple is talking about an issue and they are more focused on getting their point across than listening to what their partner has to say. I observe this often when coaching couples. As they go back-and-forth arguing their points, my head turns from side-to-side like an audience watching a tennis match. Sometimes I exaggerate my head motion to punctuate the drama unfolding before me. It also gets their attention that this approach is not working!
Silent Film Drama
A classic style of drama where an enactment is occurring but without words. Something is wrong. You can tell by the body language. You ask a question, “Is there something wrong?”
No answer or perhaps a shake of the head indicating “no”. The silence communicates the opposite message–“Yes there is something wrong, but I am not saying. Figure it out.”
Silent films often follow competition drama.
Mortal Combat Drama
This is where drama gets ugly. Nasty fights. Yelling, cursing, name-calling. Emotions erupt on both sides. A verbal slugfest. In worst case drama it gets physical. Mortal combat doesn’t last too long, but it does severe damage. If you want to learn how to disarm an argument before explodes into combat read my blog “5 Ways to Disarm an Argument”.
I like documentaries because they tell the story of what occurred and what has happened since. Unresolved conflicts usually end in the docudrama I call “The Cold War”. This often happens after combat when couples stop engaging in direct communication. They will go for days not speaking. The non-verbals communicate the adversarial nature of the relationship. Each is waiting for the other to negotiate a peace treaty.
This occurs when a spouse/partner suspects something’s up but they can’t put their finger on it. The mysterious partner is up to no good and is trying to keep it a secret. In most cases, enough clues collected solve the mystery. However, in some cases, mysteries remain unsolved.
Sometimes drama comes from one or both mate’s extended family. Couples can fight over a lot of issues related to their family-of-origin. Scenes from childhood can be played out in adult life too. Couples who have not learned how to establish healthy boundaries with their extended families will find themselves in repeated drama.
Not It’s Your Turn
So there you have it. Do you see any drama slipping into your relationship. We all have some drama from time-to-time. The key is not to allow negative drama too much script!
Some drama is good as you will see in the next blog. For now, if you have negative drama going on stop playing your part.
What can you do to stop the drama?