Episode 008: Tired of Wasting Time Arguing? Part 3: How to Repair After the Argument


This episode is the last of the three-part series where we specifically talk about how we begin to repair after the argument. In the last two episodes, we have outlined the cycle of conflict where you can interrupt that cycle, break through it, and find a way to disrupt the cycle so you don’t continue repeating that pattern. 

Maybe the couple got into a conflict and they got into mutual repair. They left back on the rails, learned some things, and tried to integrate some changes around the dynamics they were dealing with in their marriage that caused the conflict. 

Now, when we get to this part of the repair cycle, the key is to handle it well. There are conflicts that are easy to repair. And when a deeper offense occurred, you want to be a little more specific in how you handle the repair and don’t simply say you’re sorry. At the end of the day, it’s all about personal responsibility and mutual responsibility.

Remember, this is not an overnight thing. It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to come out of the gate with an entirely new way of being with your partner and in a totally perfect “by the book” way. And so, even just the act of bringing awareness to your conflict pattern is a great first step and those little incremental improvements you can make in your interactions with your partner are going to make a world of difference. Whatever incremental positive change you make in your dynamic is your goal and that will begin to breed change in your whole dynamic. 

In this episode, you will hear:

  • The five declarations for an effective repair
  • Admission and taking personal responsibility
  • Accepting responsibility without putting on blame
  • Getting your but’s out of the way
  • The difference between saying sorry and asking for forgiveness
  • Agreeing to work on changing your behavior
  • A quick script on how to deliver a thoughtful, heartfelt, effective repair

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