The #1 Up and Down Struggle All Couples Experience


Whenever two or more people are interacting, there’s a power flow between them – we just don’t know what’s happening. 

While water is to fish, power is to people. It is the medium we swim in. But it’s usually invisible to us. We don’t really see it when someone powers up on you or you’re made to feel small when someone’s talking.

What is Power? 

Power is your fundamental right to think, feel, speak, and act on your own. It’s your right to your voice and your choice. Power is an expression of ourselves. It’s an expression of who we are and an expression of our thoughts, our feelings, our opinions, and how we see things. 

What’s important is how we manage the flow of power between us, because sometimes, the flow of power gets messed up in the way we communicate. And when you have respectful power flowing from one person to another, it brings influence. 

But when there is disrespectful power, it exerts control. When you are in a controlling kind of relationship, then you’re not able to sustain a sense of closeness and safety between people.

2 Ways to Balance the Power in Your Relationship

1. Accept your spouse as an equal partner in the relationship.

Your spouse has their own unique personality, traits, and attributes, and these have a right to coexist with you. Encourage your spouse to be who they are, not what you want them to be. If you try to change them in a version that’s more suited to you, this is a misuse of your power and a violation of their boundaries.

2. Affirm your spouse for the positive qualities that they may bring into the relationship.

Think about what your partner or your spouse brings to the relationship – their background, history, knowledge, education, experience, etc. When you recognize that power within them, it tells them that they matter to you.

3. Accommodate your spouse’s needs by being flexible with each other.

Your spouse’s needs could be squashed by their partner’s power. It can come in the form of neglect, invalidation, or just simply being dismissive. A lot of times, it’s our nonverbals that are expressing power too. Remember, it’s your voice and choice. This imbalance of power can also be in the form of passive-aggressive behavior in the relationship. 

Learn how to become more flexible. Loosen that control and accommodate your partner’s needs. 

The 7 Benefits of Balancing Power in Your Relationship

  1. Increased mutual respect
  2. Increase of self-esteem 
  3. Improves communication 
  4. A greater partnership between you and the other person
  5. A stronger connection between the two of you
  6. Fewer conflicts
  7. Deeper intimacy

If you want to learn more about The #1 Up and Down Struggle All Couples Experience, check out