There are conflicts that are easy to repair. And when a deeper offense occurred, you want to be a little more specific in how you handle the repair and don’t simply say you’re sorry. At the end of the day, it’s all about personal responsibility and mutual responsibility.Here are five declarations you can use for an effective repair process.The 5 Declarations
Admitting you’re wrong for what you’ve said or done is about taking personal responsibility. The big thing that gets in the way is pride because it doesn’t want to admit we’re wrong. And so, you have to wrestle that pride and get it out of the way.
Acknowledge how your actions have specifically hurt the other person. When you’re conveying an understanding of your wrongdoing from the perspective of how it made the other person feel or what it did to them, their ears are tuning in. It sounds more sincere and they’re more open then to considering that this is a real repair you’re making.
Accept responsibility without blaming your partner.
Own your own anger and own your own choice in the matter. And if you do, then your partner is more inclined to consider it a sincere apology and accept it. Apologies cannot have a “but” in it. Excusing your behavior and putting it on the other person just doesn’t work. You might as well just shut up and not continue on with an apology because you just lost the person.
Ask for forgiveness.
There’s a difference between saying you’re sorry and asking for forgiveness because the former implies the other person is supposed to accept your apology. While asking for forgiveness is a request. You’re asking and it leaves the decision with the other person.
Agree to work on changing your behavior. If what you’re apologizing for is a repeated pattern in the relationship, recognize that while it’s not your first time, you will agree to work on dealing with it and take action.When you are committed to preserving relationships and re-establishing the connection, it creates a great baseline that makes taking on these declarations much easier because you’re clear on why you’re doing it.Remember, this is not an overnight thing. It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to come out of the gate with an entirely new way of being with your partner and in a totally perfect “by the book” way. Whatever incremental positive change you make in your dynamic is your goal and that will begin to breed change in your whole dynamic. If you want to learn more about how to repair after the argument, check out https://www.donolund.com/trg008