The habit of flirtingYes, it’s true. We are both flirts. It’s a naughty habit. But we do this only with each other. Flirting takes on various forms during the course of the week. It is intended to keep the hunt active in our relationship. “The hunt” is what activates a romantic relationship. Think about when you first met your spouse/partner. How did the relationship start and what fueled it in the early days? Was it not the hunt? Generally, speaking men love to hunt and women love to be hunted. The pursuit and capture is passionate and romantic. What generally happens once couples settle in? That’s right, they give up on the hunt. They start chasing the American Dream and neglect each other. If you want to have a hot marriage, develop the naughty habit of flirting–with each other.
The habit of name-callingIn May we will celebrate our 17th anniversary. Over the course of time we developed the naughty habit of name-calling. We still do it today. It’s totally hot. The names are code language that conveys a sentiment we are feeling at the time. Some are cute and silly as my wife would say. Name-calling is also erotic, signalling the “you turn me on” message. If you want to fuel passion in your marriage do some name-calling. Make sure it conveys a positive sentiment. Negative name-calling is a “sure fire way” to fuel an argument.
The habit of speaking your mate’s love languageDo you know each other’s love language? More importantly, do you speak your mate’s language? In 1995, author Gary Chapman released a ground-breaking book, The 5 Love Languages: How to express heartfelt love to your mate. Over 11 million copies of the book have been sold, helping couples learn how to discover and speak each other’s love language.
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
The habit of saying “I’m sorry.”Every marriage has a “hot seat”. You sit on it when you’ve done something wrong. When you’re on the hot seat own it. Don’t make excuses, blame, minimize, or change the subject. Just own the hot seat. Follow it up with “I’m sorry.” I can honestly say that forgiveness occupies large space our hot marriage. We make it comfortable for each other to own our faults and repair them. The benefit here is that it shows respect to your spouse. Furthermore, it prevents the formation of resentment, a residue that clogs the portal of intimacy. Here is my five step “Repair Kit” for forgiveness:
- Admit your offense.
- Acknowledge how it specifically hurt your spouse.
- Accept responsibility without blame or excuses.
- Ask for forgiveness.
- Agree with your spouse that you will work on changing the negative behavior.
The habit of going to bed togetherThis is a relatively new habit in our marriage. Our work schedules differ. During weekdays I return home later in the evening. Marian goes to bed early. Often when I come home she’s asleep. So my routine was eat a late dinner, watch some TV and fall asleep on the couch. Later, I would crawl into bed. Lately, I tweaked this approach and go to bed right after dinner. I usually have my iPad in bed, but I am close nearby my sleeping beauty. She will reach over give me a kiss, lay her arm on my chest for awhile and go back to sleep. On the weekends, we always go to bed together. I find that the habit of going to bed and waking together establishes a good rhythm in marriage. Going to bed also gives you time to connect. We have some of our best conversations laying in bed where we can relax. As this pattern forms, it also increases intimacy and can increase activation of the sex drive.
Now it’s your turnSo, I shared some naughty habits about how we maintain a hot marriage. Maybe you have some habits of your own you would like to share. Feel free to leave a comment below or on one of my social media sites. I only ask that you keep them PG for the sake of our audience! Perhaps you’re relationship is not so hot. If it has cooled off, what is one naughty habit you plan to try?
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