Five Things to Consider Before You Enter an Affair

There are a lot of variables that contribute to why people enter an affair, and one of the most common reasons is that couples are not investing in the marriage.  However, if you’re at this point of your life where you feel miserable in your marriage, or for whatever reason, you no longer think your marriage is working, having an affair should at least be the last thing in your mind, or perhaps, never at all.  Here are five things to consider before you even think of having an affair:
  1. The adventure is not worth the risk.

People who end up in affairs can end up complicating things because maybe a child is born out of an affair.  People you love can get hurt and your reputation can get ruined. Your future is now bleak and you’ve got to work through all of that. Life is hard for everybody impacted so is the adventure worth the risk? 
  1. Hiding an affair is not easy as it seems. 

People think they can be clever at hiding behavior. But sometimes, there are subtle changes in your behavior that may signal to your partner something is going on. There might be the risk of you or your affair partner getting caught.  While there’s the thrill of adventure, in the beginning, this can shift to a tone of anxiety about the potential exposure and the ramification that will follow.
  1. You may compromise core values. 

When you enter into an affair, you’re going into a territory that goes against the values around marriage. And so you’re going to be likely wrapped up in this internal battle of self-gratification and guilt. 
  1. Maybe a safer approach is just to confront the problems in your marriage.

There are several factors that contribute to an affair:
  • Not investing regularly in their marriage
  • Emotional distance is a pattern
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Not confronting your problems
  • When the partner ignores a problem that addressed by the spouse
Pay attention to your spouse when they’re advocating for you to invest in the relationship. This explains why people who have core values end up in an affair. 
  1. Respectfully end the relationship.

If it’s not working, either your partner is not listening to you, or they don’t seem to be engaged, maybe it’s time for you to end that relationship and move on. This puts you in a better place to enter into a relationship in a healthy way and not feel like you’re having to go into secrecy and trying to manage two dimensions.

Two questions to ask yourself before you consider entering an affair:

  • Am I willing to take a risk and blow things up in my life by having an affair? 
  • Is there a safer path to address my unhappiness?
If you’re in a state where you’re thinking about an affair as a solution just take a pause, ask those questions, and then make your decision. Hopefully, you’ll make one that is honorable and that protects you from the risk of those outcomes. If you want to learn more about how to make letting go easier on yourself, check out