Busy, busy, busy. Pulled in several directions at the same time!
Describe your world?
I know it can get real crazy between work, kids, and keeping the house looking halfway decent.
If you follow this blog, you’ve heard me address the “back burner syndrome” many couples experience. No matter how much you say you need time together it rarely gets front burner attention. Something more pressing gets in the way.
Back Burner Syndrome is Bad on marriage
Marriage cannot tolerate neglect too long before it suffers. Here are symptoms of back burner syndrome.
- more talk on tasks to be done
- less talk on connecting with each other
- personal and relationship needs lack attention
- conflicts over expectations increase
- emotional drift sets in
- walls are built
Neither spouse is happy hiding behind a wall. It just feels safe. Fewer arguments. Lower risk of rejection.
You may be wondering. “How long do we hide behind our walls? Can we find a way to connect again?”
How to give your marriage front burner timeCouples are quick to admit they want to spend more time together. I hear this daily in my office. Moving into that space is difficult. When I ask, “How do you want to do this?” I get a “deer in the headlights” reaction. Couples are afraid to act. Fear of disappointment creeps in. “Will my partner put in the effort?” Don’t allow fear to keep your relationship stuck on the back burner! Here’s how you can begin to move toward the front.
- Make this your mantra: “Our marriage deserves front burner time.”
- Make a promise to move into front burner space.
- Get over the awkwardness of trying.
- Take my super easy 7 day couple connection challenge.
Super easy 7 day couple challengeTo move your marriage to the front burner this week we need to break the awkwardness of trying. This is especially important for couples who have been hiding behind walls for a while. Each activity can be done in as little as 6 seconds (although this might be the toughest) and no longer than 7 minutes. Not too difficult right? So let’s begin the challenge!
Day 1: Ask and answer these two questions.
- What was one of your favorite songs in high school?
- What did you like about the song?
Day 2: Listen to each other’s favorite song together.This can actually be a fun experience. You can listen together to one in the morning and the other in the evening. Crank up the music! Bring the air guitar out of the closet. Sing and dance if you’re in mood.
Day 3: Watch this YouTube Video together (1.5 minutes long)This video is hilarious! After watching take another minute to talk about it. Share one takeaway you get about yourself from the video. Avoid commentary about your spouse! Instead, poke fun at yourself.
Day 4: Share a favorite couple photoDig into the archives and find a photo from the past. Share why you chose this particular photo, what you like about it, etc…
Day 5: Write a positive note and leave it in an unexpected placeNothing better than a handwritten note that conveys something positive about your spouse. Here’s a few samples:
- You’re great at your job. Have an awesome day!
- That high school song you like is playing in my head right now. I’m thinking good things about us today.
- I’ve taken you for granted for some time. But not today. I am lucky to have you in my life.
Day 6: Share a 6 second kissThe shortest time in the 7 day challenge is the 6 second kiss. No excuses here. If you’ve been up to the challenge so far, this could actually be very nice! Now for some, this will be easy. You kiss regularly. For others who have been hiding behind walls for a while this might be the most challenging activity. Do your best. If you feel uncomfortable, try a 6 second hug or kiss on the cheek.
Day 7: Take 7 minutes to answer these 2 questions
- What did you like most about the super easy 7 day couple challenge?
- What would you like to do next week to keep the connection going?
Now it’s your turnThe challenge is before you. If you’re reading this alone, I recommend you do the following:
- Forward the link to your spouse.
- Ask him/her to read it.
- Move into the awkward space of asking if he/she is up to do the challenge with you.
- Select a day and get a head start by picking songs and photos so you’re more prepared.
- Go for it!