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I learn more about relationships from my wife Marian than from all the professional books I read on the subject. Don’t misunderstand me. I paid my dues in academia to become a relationship specialist and continue to sharpen my skills. Yet, with the accumulation of cutting edge theory and practice in relational dynamics, I learn more about relationships from a female perspective by tuning into my wife. In fact, I remain a student of her needs. Truth be told, Marian is a successful business woman in her corner of the corporate world. She doesn’t need a man to survive. But she does have needs specifically designed to be met by her man. I happen to be that guy. Listening to Marian and the scores of women who sit in my office on a weekly basis, gives me a distinct advantage. I hear familiar longings. They inform me what women crave from their men. One of the most important female cravings is for a man to care for them in a manner that makes them feel loved and cherished. Women are attracted to men who lead. If I can boil it down to a simple word, what women crave from the men they love is chivalry.A Renaissance in Chivalry
I propose a renaissance in chivalry. Not in it’s medieval form. The stereotype of a woman as a “damsel in distress” certainly does not fit a female in the 21st Century. Women today set a large footprint in society even though they may wear a size 7 shoe! I think what women prefer is a modern form of male chivalry. Guys who respect them for their competence as movers-and-shakers in the marketplace and managers on the domestic front. But to go a step further, our highly successful and independent counterparts also want a man who treats them well. They are attracted to a guy who is tuned into their needs and delivers.The Art of Anticipation
Chivalry anticipates and delivers. Anticipation is the art of knowing what your woman needs before she does. You may be wondering. How do I do that? Here’s how. By becoming a student of your spouse and taking good notes. It’s as simple as that. A good student asks questions. In a previous blog I wrote about the art of curiosity, asking questions that help you understand your mate. How well do you know your woman? As a starter can you accurately answer these 7 questions about your spouse/girlfriend?- Do you know her five favorite restaurants?
- Do you know her favorite getaway spots?
- What are her current stressors?
- What does your woman need when she is stressed out?
- What is your woman’s primary way of needing to be loved by you?
- What are the signs when your woman is overwhelmed?
- What are some practical ways she needs your help day-to-day?
The Act of Initiation
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that the men they love lack initiation. Like kids, men often wait until they are told before they act. Women do not find this attractive or manly at all! What women prefer is a guy who takes the lead. They want him to think ahead and plan. This is a real turn-on for a woman. For example, when it comes to a date night, a guy who takes the lead to plan is scoring major points with his girl. Planning would include the following:- Inviting her out to dinner
- Picking a day and time that works
- Making reservations at a restaurant you know she likes
- Securing a babysitter
The Awe of Attraction
As we age our physical attributes change. This is normal. However, our culture places high value on the perfection of beauty. Women face pressure men cannot comprehend. It is the pressure of maintaining outward attraction. A man of chivalry is sensitive to his woman. He makes her feel cherished by expressing awe for her inner and outer beauty. Even as she ages, he notices the glimmer in her eye, the softness of her hands, and the beauty in her smile. A man of chivalry reminds his woman she has not lost his attraction to her by expressing these things. I am writing this blog in the lobby of a quaint hotel along the Fox River in Geneva, IL called the Herrington Inn & Spa. Take a look at this short clip of my act of chivalry this weekend. I hope it will give you some ideas!
If you are interested in more information on the restaurants I referenced in the video check out the links below.